


The Boy Who Returned

by chase_acow



Category: Gilmore Girls, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fusion, Gen, Misunderstandings, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 11:24:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12253440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chase_acow/pseuds/chase_acow
Summary: Jess shows up at Stars Hollow, and it's weird. Everyone is very weird. And he is definitely not a wizard.





	The Boy Who Returned

**Author's Note:**

  * For [afinch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/afinch/gifts).



Star’s Hollow was the stupidest place on Earth. And it was filled with the most ridiculous people Jess had ever laid eyes on. He didn’t bother turning his head anymore, not since the last people he caught staring dived in the closest shrubbery to avoid him. He’d even taken a shower and everything this morning.

 _Whatever._ It wasn’t like he was going to linger a second longer than it took to climb out the back window and hitch a ride with a trucker back to the land of sanity. 

His fingers twitched toward his cigarettes, but he’d already realized they were gonna have to last. A place this kitschy meant it wouldn’t be easy to find someone to deal under the table to him. Jess ducked under yet another ubiquitous fall banner, and really, how many did a town the size of a postal stamp need?

Taking a deep breath, Jess shouldered through the door to his new prison. 

He came to a dead stop, the bell above the door still obnoxiously tinkling. Not even modern physics could begin to explain how they fit so much crazy in four little walls. But somehow he managed to focus in on his new jailer. Luke shouldn’t be anything more than a speedbump on Jess’s way out of town, an absent uncle who had another thing coming if he thought he could dictate Jess’ life.

“Jess! You’re early!” Luke said, frozen with his arms held high and some sort of baton clutched in one hand. He was every blue collar nightmare of a life without imagination Jess had ever had, right down to his flannel over shirt. “I was going to meet you, make sure you got here okay.”

“Yeah, the roving bands of little old ladies were tough to handle, but somehow I managed,” Jess drawled, eyes fixating on the strange wood, a solid piece, but carved for a handle. There was something familiar there, but he couldn’t quite catch it. “You fixing to strike up the band, maestro?”

Luke followed Jess’s gaze, turning his head until he too was staring at his raised hand. Between blinks, he’d flicked it behind him, where it apparently landed in the mashed potatoes according to something unseen called a ‘Caesar’, and clapped his hands in front of his chest. “Let’s go upstairs, there’s a lot to talk about,” he said, glaring at the full diner until the customers suddenly jumpstarted back to reality.

Taking a deep breath, Jess resolutely ignored the chaos as he caught snatches of conversation, one woman who definitely used a ladder to hang her lights higher than arm’s reach, another man who emphasized the combustible engine in his land conveyance, and finally the piece de resistance, a woman who pulled a rotary phone out of her purse and started talking into it without plugging it in or dialing.

What a bunch of whackos.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Don’t you have anything better to do? Shoo! Scat!” Jess tried again to swing his book bag around to gain some more space from what had to be the most amorous troubadour he’d ever met. Of course he was the only troubadour Jess had ever met, but still. “This is not normal. You are not normal.”

“Don’t worry, he only brings out the voice for the tourists.”

“So I should feel grateful for the mood music he keeps aiming at me?” Jess asked, though his mood instantly lifted when he recognized the voice and turned to find Rory sans her ginormous dork boyfriend shadow coming at him. He rolled his eyes a moment later when his guitar-playing shadow switched key to a romantic upswing.

Rory fell into step beside him as he circled the town’s square again. Thirty minutes in that sham of a bedroom he shared with Luke left him with an itch he couldn’t scratch. Everything about this town was wrong, not just the sheer stubborn adherence to the entire ‘wizard joke’ but something he couldn’t quite remember that lingered right at the edge of memory.

“Better than that time Kirk tried to narrate everything he saw out loud,” Rory said, puffing a little until Jess realized he needed to move slower to make up for her shorter legs. She threw him a grateful smile, “Thanks. It’s not real smart to go so fast to get absolutely nowhere.”

“Just trying to fit in with the rest of these loonies,” Jess muttered, shoving his hands harder in his pockets. He focused harder on ignoring Miss Patty and a troupe of tiny girls pretending to be fairies and practicing bizarre hand gestures.

“You still don’t believe do you?” Rory asked, pulling Jess to a stop underneath yet another banner proclaiming what had to be a made up holiday. 

“Fine, you want me to believe, then you do it,” Jess rolled his neck, fighting a tension headache. He had found the one sketchy guy in town, but it turned out even Jess had his limits, and no amount of cigarettes were worth that weirdness. Dirty socks should not be a viable form of currency anywhere. “Do some magic. Wow me.”

“Well, I can’t,” Rory carefully looked everywhere but at Jess. She pulled at the sleeves of her blazer and muttered something under her breath.

Jess felt a soft smile tug at his mouth, she was really adorable; he was so far in over his head. “What was that, Miss Mumblesalot?” he asked, ducking his head like he was ready to listen intently.

“I said, that I can’t do any magic. I’m not a witch,” Rory said, as she settled her shoulders, lifted her jaw, and glared him in the nose. “And you may be the Boy Who Returned, but that doesn’t mean you’re deodorant proof.”

“Please, don’t call me that. It’s weird,” Jess said, rubbing his left temple before he realized what he was doing and jerked his hand back down. The star shaped burn had been with him since birth, and had been the root of many a terrible nickname.

Rory’s eyes softened, and Jess took an automatic step back. He didn’t need anybody feeling sorry for him. He didn’t need anyone, and nobody ought to need him either.

“Just give it a chance, Jess,” Rory said, keeping her hands sensibly to herself. “You could like it here. And we need you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Look, I don’t have time to indulge your ludicrous fantasies,” Jess yelled, rubbing the welt forming on his thigh. The change he’d taken, an afterthought after he’d already paid for his snack, had burned a literal hole through his pocket. He’d tossed it away, hiding it behind one of those ridiculous birdhouses in case he wanted it later.

“Too busy indulging in your life of petty crime?” Luke yelled back, hovering over Jess’ shoulder as the took a turn away from the center of town and out to the poor excuse for a lake bordering the outskirt.

“Get lost!” Jess snarled, jerking his arm away as he stepped out onto the footbridge. He was tired of all this bullshit, no matter how hard he tried, he never managed to make it five miles past the city limits. Something always happened to bring him back. 

“You first!”

The shove was unexpected, his balance lost as his arms jerked up unable to keep him from tipping over the edge of the bridge. Jess squeezed his eyes shut tight, and held his breath as he waited for the cold splash of indeterminately contaminated water. He was pretty sure he caught Kirk out here bathing last week, and just. . . no. Ew.

It never came.

Jess peeked one eye open, instantly seeing Luke’s shocked face at an extreme angle. He opened his other eye and eventually took a breath before his lungs popped. Glancing around wildly, he realized he was hovering six inches above the smooth pane of water. “I’m. . . I’m a wizard?” he asked, his voice almost an unrecognizable high octave.

“You’re a wizard!” Luke’s face transformed, and Jess couldn’t help returning the grin. Then the storm cloud returned. “But you’re still grounded.”

Shock took away whatever kept him hovering and he sputtered out the cold water when his head broke air again. Gross, but also, kinda cool.


End file.
